“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” – Ephesians 5:22-25
Submissive Wives is a term that is often used when referring to this verse. For many it means something negative instead of the positives of when a wife submits to her husband. Yet, we wonder what exactly does God mean by submissive? Does he want us to become doormats in our marriage, letting our husband push us around? No, it’s quite the opposite, God wants us to be strong, assertive women (Proverbs 31) that support, respect and have good sex (yes, I said it!) with our husband.
I didn’t haphazardly come to this realization; it was more of a god-send when Tara came to my MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) meeting nearly four years ago. I was a sleep-deprived new mom, and I was enjoying eating my breakfast without a child attached to me when Tara took the stage. She genuinely oozed of happiness with her contagious smile and beautiful blonde hair. Her cute outfit and perfect makeup completed her look as I quickly inspected my shirt for stains, at least it was clean I thought to myself. I was intrigued to know what made this woman shine. I had a feeling she had a full eight hours of sleep without interruptions, but it was more than a good night’s rest– It was her marriage.
She began her talk with that term submissive, and I was about to tune her out, because really how many sleep-deprived moms want to hear that? Yeah, not many. Then she started talking about being a queen, and I began to perk up. “Girls,” Tara said. “If you want to be the Queen then you have to treat him like the King,” she continued. And you know what? It actually made sense. I knew Tara was more than beautiful hair and makeup when she told us that being the queen meant getting our hands dirty like taking out the trash and scrubbing toilets.
Cleaning the house, cooking dinner, and taking care of the kids is just one of the ways I support my husband. I also run, write and hang out with my friends. Taking care of myself and doing things I enjoy make me a happier person. My husband works in an office with bosses and clients, and some days my job is filled with trash and temper tantrums, yet I’ve learned that my attitude has a huge effect on everyone in my household. My goal is to stay positive in all things, so my husband can leave work and arrive at a happy home.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.” – Ephesians 5:26-30
Guess what? Being a submissive wife is a two-way street. Husbands are instructed to love their wives. Submitting is a whole lot easier when the person you are submitting to loves you and is looking out for you. My husband and I make family decisions together, but sometimes we don’t always see eye to eye, so this is where being submissive plays the biggest role in my life. When I let go of my wants and let my husband decide, I am giving him the king’s scepter to make a loving decision that is best for our family.
Being a submissive wife is not always easy just like marriages have their ups and downs. Treating your husband or wife they way God intends is beyond worth it. Remember that sleep-deprived mom? She took the submissive challenge to heart and changed her attitude. Once my attitude changed, it was like a domino effect–my marriage became stronger, I felt better, my husband was happy, and the kids were smiling.
And for Tara, she’s sharing the joys of being a submissive wife on the TLC Network!! The Submissive Wives Guide to Marriage premieres this Sunday, May 17 at 9 p.m. and 11 p.m. EST on TLC. If you didn’t believe me when I said being submissive made my marriage better, then you got to watch this show and see regular moms (not a cult!) giving their husbands some respect and a lot of sugar. The show also follows my friend, Kristin and her husband as they take on the submissive challenge. My next post will be about Kristin and her thoughts on being a submissive wife.
You can watch a preview of the show HERE!
What do you think being a submissive wife is about?